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<title>(you didn't mean to say,) "i love you" by MayJestic</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27125396">(you didn't mean to say,) "i love you"</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayJestic/pseuds/MayJestic'>MayJestic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Friends to Lovers, Insecurity, Love Bites, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Overthinking, Sexual Tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:53:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,947</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27125396</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayJestic/pseuds/MayJestic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There's this unspoken thing between them. He doesn't know what it is, doesn't know what it means when Minho comes to him in the dead hours of the night, doesn't know what it means when his hands and looks linger longer than they should, doesn't know what it means when the older breathes out praises in between kisses.</p><p>It's confusing, but it's also not. Jisung knows that their relationship is far from platonic. But if they're not friends, but they're also not boyfriends, then what are they?</p><p>Something in between.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>368</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>(you didn't mean to say,) "i love you"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello</p><p>i wrote this in one sitting and barely edited it, so i hope this doesn't suck too bad </p><p>also, the title is from Billie Eilish's "i love you" (go and give it a listen, it's really beautiful and i took a lot of inspiration for this fic from it)</p><p>i hope you enjoy</p><p>[all plot points are fictional and entirely from my imagination. i do not support or condone delusional shipping - this fanfiction was written without any malicious intent and is for entertainment purposes only.]</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's always like this.</p><p>Jisung is watching some random prison documentary on Netflix when a knock sounds at his door. He doesn't even wonder who it is - there's only one person who shows up at his room this late.</p><p>Minho doesn't wait for a response before opening, he never does. He doesn't greet the younger either, simply slips into bed with him and pulls the covers up to his chin.</p><p>"What are you watching?", he asks, his voice a low murmur.</p><p>"Something about the worst prisons in the world, I think." Minho hums. He does this every time - pretends to be interested in what's on the screen when Jisung knows that he's only here to have someone next to him when he sleeps.</p><p>They're quiet for several minutes after that. The silence is crushing, like a weight on Jisung's shoulders that holds him down, makes his heart heavy.</p><p>There's this unspoken thing between them. He doesn't know what it is, doesn't know what it means when Minho comes to him in the dead hours of the night, doesn't know what it means when his hands and looks linger longer than they should, doesn't know what it means when the older breathes out praises in between kisses.</p><p>It's confusing, but it's also not. Jisung knows that their relationship is far from platonic. But if they're not friends, but they're also not boyfriends, then what are they?</p><p>Something in between.</p><p>It takes barely ten minutes for Minho to be dead asleep next to the younger, eyelids fluttering, lips parted slightly. Even like this he's devastatingly beautiful to Jisung. He's so beautiful it almost <em>hurts. </em></p><p>Jisung wonders if that's really all there is, if he really only thinks of Minho as beautiful and nothing more.</p><p>He doesn't have an answer.</p><p>Despite overthinking basically every free second of his day, Jisung has been unable to figure this out. Is it sexual attraction? Aesthetic attraction?</p><p>
  <em>Romantic attraction? </em>
</p><p>That option scares him, because Minho seems like a <em>God. </em>Sculptured face, otherworldly body proportions. The way he talks and acts strikes awe in everyone around him. Jisung doesn't know how to keep up with that, doesn't know how to fit any expectations Minho might have, doesn't know if he'll ever be good enough-</p><p>It's unlikely. To Jisung, Minho wanting him is unlikely.</p><p>They've held hands and cuddled and kissed and lazily jerked each other off in the shower after a long day and it never really seemed like that big of a deal for some reason. Because Minho is Minho. Because falling into a rhythm like this with him was easy.</p><p>Why was it easy? Jisung can't find the answer to that either.</p><p>Maybe Minho was lonely. Idols get lonely, it happens all the time. It might have just been a coincidence that he picked Jisung to be the one to give him comfort.</p><p>Just the thought alone makes Jisung's stomach feel queasy. He doesn't want to be a coincidence, he wants to be a <em>choice. </em></p><p>Maybe it's selfish. Maybe he's selfish. He thinks he could handle being selfish when it comes to Minho.</p><p>Minho could also have feelings for him.</p><p>Jisung wants to discard that thought the second it enters his mind, but it's too late - it latches onto his brain, builds a nest there. He momentarily basks in the warmth that blossoms in his chest, as long as his insecurities will let him.</p><p>He's so fucking stupid. Stupid for wanting more, stupid for falling for someone like Minho.</p><p>It's always like this. Minho knocks at his door, slides into his bed and falls asleep ten minutes later, only for Jisung to be left spinning in circles and dancing the Waltz together with his thoughts.</p><p>Is he in love with Minho? Probably. Does he want to be? Hell no. So what does he do? He suppresses his feelings and goes through the same process all over again the next time it happens.</p><p>He's tired. Both physically and mentally. He needs to go to sleep or he's going to lose his damn mind, so he closes his laptop and slides it underneath the bed.</p><p>He lightly shakes Minho's shoulder next, trying to wake him up. The older doesn't make a single sound, doesn't even stir, so Jisung repeats the action a little more forcefully - Minho lets out a groan.</p><p>"Hyung, you fell asleep," he says, his voice soft. "You should go back to your room. Innie's going to be back from vocal practice soon." It comes out more bitter than Jisung had intended for it to. Minho slowly blinks his eyes open at Jisung's words, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.</p><p>"Let me stay the night, Sungie," Minho mumbles. "Please." The older rarely ever pleads for anything - but he pleads for this.</p><p>Even though he knows they shouldn't, Jisung can't deny him, so he nods. Like always.</p><p>"Can you take my shirt off?", Minho asks like it's the most casual thing in the world. "I'm too lazy to sit up." Jisung swallows, his throat feeling tight. He complies anyway - with shaky hands, Jisung grabs the hem of Minho's plain white shirt and grabs at it. Minho helps out a little, raising his arms just enough for Jisung to be able to pull the tee over the other man's head. Jisung doesn't look as he throws it on the floor somewhere, his eyes glued to the expanse of pale skin in front of him. Jisung wants to reach out, run the tips of his fingers over the hint of abs, run them over the dip in between the older's pecs. Minho definitely catches him staring, a lazy smirk creeping onto his lips.</p><p>"Come here."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Come cuddle me."</p><p>"We shouldn't. What if Jeongin sees us?"</p><p>"Wouldn't be the first time," Minho argues, his eyebrows raised. The smile on his face only widens as he opens his arms. Jisung lets his head hang, silently admitting defeat.</p><p>He can never resist Minho when he's talking sweetly like this.</p><p>"Alright," he huffs out before letting himself fall against the mattress once more, wrapping one arm around Minho's waist. Jisung nestles his head in the crook of Minho's neck and breathes him in deep. Minho smells faintly of musk and sweat, like always. Jisung strangely enjoys it.</p><p>Jisung doesn't know what possesses him as he leaves a light kiss against Minho's pulse point. The older's small intake of breath makes it so worth it.</p><p>Minho doesn't protest and Jisung feels something snap inside himself.</p><p>He litters kiss after kiss all over Minho's neck and throat, some wet, some dry, some open-mouthed, some just a peck. His nails leave scratches all over Minho's shoulder blade.</p><p>Jisung feels like his chest is going to burst from everything that he's feeling.</p><p>He doesn't know what he's doing. He just knows that he wants, that he <em>needs </em>this. He needs it like he needs air to breathe.</p><p>"Can I mark you, Minho-hyung?", he asks, his mouth already hovering underneath his collar bone. Minho doesn't nod, doesn't shake his head, his lips simply curl into a content little smile - Jisung takes that as his go ahead.</p><p>Like a hungry animal, Jisung begins sucking on the part of skin. He bites and licks at it for a while, latching off when he deems it blotchy enough.</p><p>Jisung leaves pretty red and purple bruises all over the other man's torso. Minho doesn't do much except for curl a hand in Jisung's hair. He pulls on a particularly harsh suck and Jisung moans against his skin.</p><p>"You're always so quiet when we do this."</p><p>It's not a problem. Actually, it kind of is - because it nags at Jisung, making his insecurities sky-rocket.</p><p>He doesn't know if he can please Minho the way he wants to. The way <em>Minho </em>wants him to.</p><p>The older bites down on his lower lip. Jisung must make quite the sight as he's looking up at him, his mouth probably swollen and spit-slick.</p><p>"I'm quiet when I'm happy."</p><p>For some reason, it sounds like a challenge to Jisung's ears.</p><p>So he does the only thing to keep himself sane - he licks a big fat stripe across Minho's nipple.</p><p>It must have really taken the older by surprise because he lets out a hiss.</p><p>For a couple of long seconds the both of them just stare at each other wide-eyed. Minho's the first to move this time.</p><p>"Fuck, kiss me," he <em>whines, </em>grabbing at the younger anywhere he can. Jisung doesn't need to be asked twice - he's immediately surging upwards, capturing Minho's lips in a searing kiss.</p><p>It's always like this. Jisung gives and gives and gives - and then Minho returns it to him tenfold.</p><p>The kiss is messy, all tongue and teeth, barely any finesse behind it. Jisung lets himself be led. It's perfect to him.</p><p>Jisung pulls back soon enough, trying to catch his breath, his hand resting on Minho's chest. The older's heart is pounding like his own. Jisung somehow feels proud.</p><p>He leans in again. Despite his impatience, the kiss is slower, more controlled. Minho's hands slide beneath Jisung's shirt, leaving goosebumps in their wake. A shiver runs down Jisung's spine and he groans into Minho's mouth at the feeling.</p><p>"You're so fucking beautiful," Minho mumbles, leaving a trail of featherlight kisses until he reaches the back of Jisung's ear and begins to suck. Jisung splutters, a sound close to a whine leaving him.</p><p>The younger feels warm and fuzzy inside, the fact that Minho shouldn't mark him in a place so visible, the fact that Jeongin's probably going to be here any minute and see them making out like horny teenagers, the fact that Minho probably doesn't like him the way Jisung wants to be liked - all of it is forgotten in that moment.</p><p>"Someone's going to see," Jisung remarks half-heartedly. Minho only sucks harder and the younger lets out a cry. Minho lets go with a <em>pop </em>shortly after<em>, </em>licking over the sensitive skin to soothe it. Jisung feels like he's going to explode.</p><p>"Let them," Minho whispers, making the hairs on Jisung's neck stand on end. "Want them to know who you belong to."</p><p>That's what does Jisung in.</p><p>"I love you." As soon as those words leave his mouth, Jisung regrets them. He hears a breath catch in Minho's throat. The older pulls away, his head resting against the pillow again - Jisung catches himself missing his warmth. The expression on Minho's face is strangely calm.</p><p>"I love you, too."</p><p>Jisung's world stops spinning.</p><p>Minho said it like it was <em>nothing, </em>like it was the most casual thing for him. Something unsettling sinks into Jisung's bones.</p><p>"No, you don't understand," Jisung insists, a deep frown marring his brow. "I think I'm in love with-"</p><p>He doesn't get to finish his sentence as lips crash against his own. He immediately melts into the kiss. Minho grabs at his thigh and hip and Jisung simply follows until he's straddling him.</p><p>"I love you," Minho utters after they've pulled apart, his voice certain, both of his hands resting on Jisung's cheeks and rubbing soothing circles into the rosy skin.</p><p>If Jisung is being honest, a couple of tears manage to slip out. Minho simply brushes them away with a small laugh.</p><p>("You're such a crybaby."</p><p>"I'm not.")</p><p>The both of them kiss and kiss and kiss some more - until they are too breathless to continue, until their lips are so sore that it hurts in the best way.</p><p>And if Jeongin catches them together that night, their limbs entwined in deep slumber, he doesn't say anything.</p><p>And if Chan catches the deep burgundy bruise behind Jisung's ear, he doesn't say anything either.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope you enjoyed</p><p>kudos and/or comments are always greatly appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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